This is some of Brad's favorite poetry. We'd like to thank Ruminate.com for giving us permission to continue publishing a lot of the brilliant poetry found here.

Poem

As I ponder all the life-changing wonders of
impending fatherhood, one thought seems to be
foremost in my mind: "Well, so much for my
traditional Saturday morning tequila benders."

(Allen Lindsey) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at May 26, 2004

Poem

I just got slapped with my seventh sexual harassment
suit this year. Man, I tell ya, the broads in
my office -- great racks, no sense of humor.

(Allen Lindsey) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at May 13, 2004

Poem

This morning I woke up with the ugliest,
skankiest barmaid yet. Damn those
Jedi and their stupid mind tricks!

(Michael Cunningham) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at May 10, 2004

Poem

I was so enraged by my doctor keeping me
waiting endlessly -- and then showing no remorse --
that I decided to mess up his remaining schedule
by trashing my exam room before I left. When I come
back for my follow-up next week, I'd like to see
ol' Dr. Proctologist try to top that!

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at April 11, 2004

Poem

My sexual performance really isn't what
it ought to be, but I'm too embarrassed
to talk to anyone about it. I sure wish
someone would send me e-mail with
info on how to correct the situation.

(Andrew Kennedy) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at April 6, 2004

Poem

I don't think I would ever steal bread,
even if my family were starving. Not
for any moral reason, but simply because
I wouldn't want to risk having to admit
on any future job applications that I
was once arrested for pinching a loaf.

(Scott E. Frank) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at April 1, 2004

Poem

All over China, parents tell their children
to stop complaining and to finish their
quadratic equations and trigonometric
functions because there are sixty-five million
American kids going to bed with no math at all.

(Michael Cunningham) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at March 23, 2004

Poem

I've met this beautiful, blonde, Swedish girl in
an Internet chat room. I know there are a lot of
phonies out there who claim to be something they
aren't, but I'm pretty sure she's the genuine article.
Though I am surprised that someone who lives in
Stockholm would be so depressed over a Packers loss.

(Pat Sajak) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at March 8, 2004

Poem

To set the mood, I cranked up Outkast's "(I Love)
The Way You Move" and sat back to enjoy the show --
though at that point the guys from Allied Van Lines
took noticeably less care with my boxes.

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at March 7, 2004

Poem

Admitting you have a problem is the
first step toward getting medicated for it.

(Jim Evarts) @ ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at January 27, 2004