I tend to give credence to that Bible story
in which God put man to sleep and made
woman from his rib, because if man had been
awake and able to make suggestions, women
would surely have many more breasts.
(Brad Wilkerson) @ruminate.com
As the judge said, "Let this be a warning:
Three strikes and you're out," I was sure
glad he didn't know I had an 0-2 count when
I pummelled that stupid umpire with my bat.
(Donald Johnson) @ruminate.com
I went to the doctor for a blood test and
I saw this Asian kid in the waiting room.
He was there for a blood test, too. I thought,
"Crap, I hope they're grading me on a curve."
(Brad Osberg) @ruminate.com
I always put my daughter's welfare
above my own. She's 18, so I started
dating an 18-year-old so she'd have
somebody her own age to play with.
I hope she appreciates it.
(Steve Mueller) @ruminate.com
My mother used to tell me you can't put
a price on love. Then again, she really
had a lousy business sense for a hooker.
(Chris MacEachen) @ruminate.com
Somehow "our song" just isn't as
romantic now that they're using it
in an erectile dysfunction ad.
(Jerry L. Embry) @ruminate.com
Want proof that men are more creative than women?
Women will gladly pay someone else to build them a
pair of big boobs, while men spend years crafting
their own, using nothing but beer and pizza.
(Scott E. Frank) @ruminate.com
"What Would Jesus Do?" may be a good philosophy
of life for some, but I find that it rarely
helps me decide how much to tip a hooker.
(Charles Gulledge) @ruminate.com
Just when I think I've finally met the
perfect woman, I discover she's too tall
to fit into any of my mom's old clothes.
(Andy Ihnatko) @ruminate.com
If loving you is wrong, then baby, it
goes a long way towards explaining the
concussion and crushed left testicle.
(Dan, the crazy Croat) @ruminate.com
Now that I'm approaching middle age, it's
nice to reflect back upon my college days
and to reminisce about all the sex that
I like to believe that I had back then.
(Miles Walker) @ruminate.com