Poem

Whenever I watch Barney the dinosaur,
I offer up a prayer of thanks for the
meteorite that wiped out the rest.

(G. Linsgru) @ruminate.com

Poem

Wishful Thinking
by Debbie Ledet

I'm sitting up late tonight,
writing down the thoughts
that keep me from sleep.

My heart is full of pain.
You're out on the town with your new love.

I hope she gets a run in her pantyhose
and the zipper on her new dress breaks;
or maybe you find out her breasts are fake.

I hope your face breaks out in zits
and she thinks your breath stinks;
and I hope you bend down and rip the seat of your pants.

When you get to the restaurant I hope the food is cold,
I hope the wine is sour and the bread has mold
(a case of food poisoning would be neat).
And I hope when you start dancing she throws up on your feet.

If all these things could happen,
maybe I could sleep.
And with a rested mind
I could wish for some more things to happen to you...

But it still won't be enough.

Poem

I recently saw a brand of laundry detergent
that claims it cleans by harnessing the power
of nature. After all these centuries, it's
about time we made Mother Nature our bitch and
started forcing her to do our laundry.

(~Anthony Myers) @ruminate.com

Poem

Something seems odd about brushing my teeth
after lunch while my coworker, Dan, is seated
just a few feet away, relieving himself.
Maybe it's because we're in the supply room.

(Raygun) @ruminate.com

Poem

Sometimes when I try to tell my wife
I love her, the words just come out wrong.
Maybe I shouldn't be saying it in Klingon.

(Wiley) @ruminate.com

Poem

My friend told me the whole NASA moon landing
was manufactured in a Hollywood studio. Okay,
so I could kind of buy that -- until he then
said the same thing about Star Trek! Idiot!

(Bill Ervin) @ruminate.com

Poem

My visit to the hospital would have been a
lot less awkward if the head nurse had just
taken the time to explain her title to me.

(Brad Wilkerson) @ruminate.com

Poem

World's toughest job? How about being the
guy who has to put the whoop-ass into the can?

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Poem

I've decided that I really don't like
living in a gated community. I'm definitely
going to move somewhere else in six to
ten years, less time off for good behavior.

(Brad Hamer) @ruminate.com