Poem

In Sympathy with the Poet Laureate

(I have never envied your task: especially now.....)
Their tenure should have ended at that final Worcester battle
But to this day we're fed a diet of endless royal prattle
And soon will come that awful time which some of us
are dreading:
The global media yawn-fest which is
Chas and Millie's wedding....
There's squabbling in the churches and across the Union Jack:
To write this one, I think you'll need to DRAIN your butt of sack!
We just need abolition, not a Cromwell-style beheading.
It's their business and theirs alone, old Chas & Millie's wedding.
It really doesn't matter who is sitting on the throne:
They're all as dull as dishwater and should be left alone.
I don't care what their hamster's called or whom
they are a-bedding:
I want some interesting news, not Chas & Millie's wedding!
So, Andrew, if your royal task becomes too much to bear
Go to your favourite football club and write your poems there.
I'm Brighton's Poet in Residence: tonight we're home to Reading.
That's worthy of a verse or two. Not Chas & Millie's wedding!

- by Attila the Stockbroker

Poem

I wholly support the recent tax cut. It will
stimulate the economy and result in a measurable
and important increase in the nation's GDP.
I know this because I spent mine on lap dances
and tequila shooters the same day I got it.

(Patrick Murphy) @ruminate.com

Poem

If you're ever in a classroom setting
with a woman who pulls out her breast
and starts to feed her baby, don't say,
"Did you bring enough to share with
the whole class?" Sure, it's a funny
line, but if she answers, "Yes," you're
pretty much going to have to drink it.

(Brad Wilkerson) @ruminate.com

Poem

Say what you want about that first beer,
but nothing really brings a father and son
together like dumping a dead whore down a well.

(Wes Nessmann) @ruminate.com

Poem

Sixteen hours after deciding to end it
all and writing the note, I realized that
my plan for a slow, but painless death of
suicide by masturbation was not working.

(Col. Klink) @ruminate.com

Poem

I loved my old job when I could hide in my
cubicle and spend the day farting around.
Instead it's just work, work, work here
at the baked bean methane-research lab.

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com