This is some of Brad's favorite poetry. We'd like to thank Ruminate.com for giving us permission to continue publishing a lot of the brilliant poetry found here.

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Poem

Any one of my ex-girlfriends could do a better
job running this country. Exit strategy? Oh,
yeah, they all had that covered coming in.

(Brad Osberg) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at May 11, 2006

Poem

Whenever I see a foxy woman, I like to toss in the
phrase, "It's my duty to please that booty," because
that's what Shaft would do. I'm going to start limiting
myself to two or three repetitions per sermon, though
-- some of the older parishioners are getting annoyed.

(Dan, the crazy Croat) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at May 2, 2006

Poem

The other night I was depressed and tried
to call the suicide hotline, but accidentally
dialed the Butterball Turkey hotline instead.
Oddly enough, their advice worked anyway. Turns
out all your other problems fall into perspective
when you have an ass full of Stovetop Stuffing.

(Brad Wilkerson) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at April 27, 2006

Poem

My wife simply does not understand the
business world. She insists I'm cheating
on her, despite my clear explanation
that I'm simply out-sourcing the sexual
component of her job description to
free her up for other projects.

(Brad Wilkerson) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at April 24, 2006

Poem

Children possess an innate wisdom beyond
their years. I mean, what adult would ever
come up with the idea of spontaneous trouser
combustion as a deterrent to dishonesty?

(Larry Hollister) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at April 14, 2006

Poem

I'm not sure how much the party guests liked my
shadow figures. "Dog," "Rabbit," and "Dog and Rabbit"
seemed to go over pretty well, but the room got quiet
when I did "Dog and Rabbit Riding a Large Missile."

(Brad Hamer) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at April 10, 2006

Poem

All the girls who were named Kyrie because of
that Mr. Mister song start turning 20 this month.
You know what that means, ladies -- only one more
year before you can legally drink to forget that
your parents named you after a Mr. Mister song!

(Carl Knorr) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at April 7, 2006

Poem

They say if you have positive thoughts
about something, it will happen.
Well, I've been thinking positively about
my neighbor's 19-year-old daughter,
but so far, no luck. I think maybe my
wife's negative thoughts are interfering.

(Maurizio Mariotti) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at April 6, 2006

Poem

If I had $200 for every woman I've ever
had sex with, I'd have been able to
pay them without using my own money!

(Nick Smith) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at March 31, 2006

Poem

All those women who say they scoff at
cheesy, sentimental pick-up lines are
obviously hanging around the wrong men.
For me, a simple "If you ever want to see
your Mommy alive again..." works every time.

(Don Swain) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at March 28, 2006
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