This is some of Brad's favorite poetry. We'd like to thank Ruminate.com for giving us permission to continue publishing a lot of the brilliant poetry found here.

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Poem

Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I learned how much alcohol I can take.

(John Shearer) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at February 8, 2006

Poem

I guess Granny needs a hearing aid after she thought
those Mardi Gras guys wanted to see our pits.
Better make that a hearing aid and a razor.

(Stephanie Thompson) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at February 7, 2006

Poem

I've taken to drinking those energy drinks in
the morning. I tried them in the evenings, but
by then I'm usually too hopped up on crystal
meth to notice any additional energy boost.

(John Shearer) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at February 2, 2006

Poem

Sometimes when I go for job interviews, I
get the feeling that they don't give enough
weight to my Ph.D. in document forgery.

(Paul Hannah) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at January 31, 2006

Poem

Sometimes I wish I were a dairy cow.
Not so much for the leisurely life of
nonstop grazing as much as for the daily
sessions with a machine massaging my nipples.

(Donald Junter) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at January 26, 2006

Poem

Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Not get into another fight
With that transvestite hooker, Mike.

(John Shearer) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at January 16, 2006

Poem

I can appreciate my girlfriend naming her lapdog
after what it means to her, but I hate when she
asks me to take little Fartmuffler to the vet.

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at January 10, 2006

Poem

If I had a nickel for every paycheck I've
blown on cocaine and cheap hookers, I could
spend a whole weekend doing nothing but...
well, you probably see where this is headed.

(Donald Junter) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at January 3, 2006

Poem

I don't think parents should tell kids the truth
about Santa and spoil all their innocent illusions.
Besides, did you see the short skirt that elf wore
to the trial? She was probably asking for it.

(Andrea Crain) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at December 21, 2005

Poem

Sometimes I feel like Spider-man looking after
Mary Jane, to protect her from any problem.
Except I don't have any super-powers, her name is Beth
and the only problem she has is a stalker named Bob.

(Bob MacAllister) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at December 18, 2005

Poem

I sometimes wonder what's better: to give 100%
effort and risk failure or not to try at all.
Then I think, "Who cares, I still get paid
over $30,000 a year to surf Internet porn
and shoot rubber-bands at my co-workers!"

(Dale Brown) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at December 14, 2005
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