This is some of Brad's favorite poetry. We'd like to thank Ruminate.com for giving us permission to continue publishing a lot of the brilliant poetry found here.

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Poem

Even though I moved away years ago, I never
forgot my kindly elderly neighbor's generosity or
her love of surprises. I know she'll be thrilled
when she gets this anonymous envelope repaying
those four tablespoons of flour I once borrowed.

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at August 1, 2004

Poem

You know that guy who keeps winning
every day on the game show "Jeopardy!"?
Betcha I could kick his ass at Quarters.
Ha! Take another shot, Pencil Neck!

(El Ruminatorio) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at July 29, 2004

Double Poem

You might think it irresponsible of
me to drink with a shot of rum in one
hand and a beer in the other, but relax
-- I've got my good knee on the wheel.

(Travis Ruetenik) @ruminate.com

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"I scream! You scream! We all scream for Jim Beam!"
Well, we didn't, actually, but Dad said it was the
only way he could get us kids to shut the hell up.

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at July 20, 2004

Poem

A new study claims women watching erotic films
are stimulated in parts of the brain that drive
emotion and planning. Probably their brains
are seeing the film and thinking, "Time to
start planning to be pissed off later tonight."

(The Covert Comic) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at July 9, 2004

Poem

The Good Lord doesn't seem very interested
in having me win the lottery, but then He
doesn't seem too bent out of shape over me
banging the baby sitter, so I guess we're even.

(Ishmael Alighieri) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at June 29, 2004

Poem

Sometimes I just wish Wile E. Coyote would
just give up and order some chicken fingers
instead, since that's what the Road Runner
probably tastes like anyway. Plus I'd love
to see Ronald McDonald drop an anvil on him.

(Ben Borg) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at June 22, 2004

Poem

Every morning when I head out the door to go
to work, I ask myself, "What would Jesus do?"
I hate those days when I get the answer:
"He certainly wouldn't be leaving the
house wearing THAT dress with THAT hat."

(Peter Reinke) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at June 17, 2004

Poem

My family kept telling me I was too stressed
out, so I've been taking these relaxative
things I bought at the drugstore. Now, if
I could just get over this freakin' diarrhea.

(Larry Hollister) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at June 10, 2004

Poem

It's comforting to know that, once again,
America is leading the way by conquering
the problems of obesity and low self-esteem
through the healing powers of self-mutilation.

(Jim Rosenberg) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at June 8, 2004
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