Poem

To Stand or To Squat

To stand or to squat, this is the quest --
To find out if man points east or west.
When he should relieve himself, what should he do?
You say he should stand. Should he listen to you?

And just because you have stood all your life
That doesn't mean not to think of your wife;
For she is the one who must clean behind you
When you stand there tall and make a boo-boo

You aimed really well, or so you did think
But it wasn't good when you went in the sink.
Now I do exaggerate, you're not that bad;
You'd take much more care if you made your wife mad.

Or would you, you egotist, would you indeed!?
You stand upright -- on the floor, you still peed.
And you didn't care that your wife had to clean
That horrible mess -- your lovely queen;

You sent her to do such a job as would fit
The lowly peasant (and I'll bet he does sit).
So here is the question presented to us
Are you willing to stand without a fuss?

Are you willing to let go of your feeble quest
To say it's your right to stand up -- it's the best?
Well you may say this, but it isn't so;
You still stand up every time you go.

But what's the respectful thing to do
For your wife's not the janitor and it could be you.
If you don't stand up as we do and fight
You need to stand up -- that is your right.

To stand or to squat is the question here
If you stand up it's really only from fear --
Fear that the others will look down at you
And say you're not manly and they'll laugh at you.

But it doesn't matter what others may say
So squat -- it's much cleaner, and start today!

- Gareth Marples

Poem

Women are from Venus, and men are
from some place where they just want
to get a little of that Venus action.

(Charles Wolfe) @ruminate.com

Poem

The Drunk Poem

Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell are you I think.
I'm not under what you call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm just a little slort of sheep,
I'm not drunk like thinkle peep.
I don't know who is me yet,
But the drunker I stand here the longer I get.
So just give me one more fink to drill my cup,
'Cause I got all day sober to Sunday up.

- Anonymous