May 31, 2010

Poem

I was bitten by a radioactive grandmother
and turned into Doily-Man. My costume is
disgustingly see-through and my superpower
seems to be mega-hyper sexual abstinence.

(James Knowles) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at 12:15 AM

May 18, 2010

...Damn Near Killed 'im!

New York, New York, May 18, 2010:

A pedestrian claimed in a lawsuit that when he went to a hospital after being hit on the forehead by a falling wooden beam, emergency room staffers forcibly gave him a rectal examination.

New Jersey-based politico Ron says in court papers that after he denied a request by NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital emergency room employees to examine his rectum, he was "assaulted, battered, and falsely imprisoned."

His lawyer, Andrew Sepe, said he and Ron later learned the exam was one way of determining whether he had suffered spinal damage in the accident.

Sepe said his client got eight stitches for a cut over his eyebrow. Ron's trademark mustache was unharmed in the accident.

Then, Sepe said, emergency room staffers insisted on examining his rectum and held him down while he begged, "Please don't do that." He said Ron hit a doctor while flailing around and staffers gave him an injection, which knocked him out, and performed the rectal exam.

Ron woke up handcuffed to a bed and with an oxygen tube down his throat, the lawyer said, and spent three days in a detention center.

A request by the hospital to dismiss Ron's lawsuit was denied by Justice Holly Godonis Moxhay, who ordered a trial to start June 1.

Hospital spokesman Brian Waerig said, "While it would be inappropriate for us to comment on specifics of the case, we believe it is completely without merit and intend to contest it vigorously."

Ron's lawsuit, filed in Manhattan's state Supreme Court, seeks unspecified damages. A judge dismissed a misdemeanor assault charge against him.

Posted by Bittle at 11:43 AM

May 04, 2010

Feeling the Fire Down Below

Asbury Park, New Jersey, May 4, 2010:

Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy's crotch ablaze while boozing in Asbury Park. "Evil" Steve Bonadio and a man known only at "Step" pleaded no contest to a felony great bodily injury charge.

Prosecutors say Step was sentenced to one year in prison and Bonadio got 45 days in Monmouth County jail.

Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron was passed out when the men poured cologne on his groin and set him on fire May 1. Ron had second-degree burns on his testicles. Political sidekick Brad has been applying balm to the affected area and Ron's "boys" should be fine in a couple of weeks.

Posted by Bittle at 09:04 AM