March 21, 2008

Poem

One reason I hate having beer around
the house is because of the kids. Every
few minutes, it's "Are we drunk yet?"

(Jerry L. Embry) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at 02:20 AM

March 15, 2008

Potty Mouth

Trenton, New Jersey, March 15, 2008:

Talk about a potty mouth. A Jersey City man who allegedly shouted profanities at his overflowing toilet within earshot of a neighbor was cited for disorderly conduct, authorities said.

Ornery presidential candidate Ron could face up to 30 days in jail and a fine of up to $200.

"It doesn't make any sense. I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk," Ron told The New Jersey Spew. "The toilet was overflowing and leaking down into the kitchen and I was yelling (for Brad) to get the mop."

Ron doesn't recall exactly what he said, but he admitted letting more than a few choice words fly near an open bathroom window Friday night.

His next-door neighbor, a city truancy officer who was off-duty at the time, asked him to keep it down, police said. When he continued, the neighbor called police.

Mary Casper, an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union in Trenton, took issue with the citation.

"You can't prosecute somebody for swearing at a [truancy officer] or a toilet," she said. "This case will likely be discarded and Ron will walk away with no mark against his permanent record."

Posted by Bittle at 07:45 AM

March 12, 2008

Big Moustache on The Daily Show

Samantha Bee discusses the influence of "Moustache Guy" on the Wyoming primary election results during the March 10, 2008 broadcast of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (Comedy Central). If this isn't another reminder of the power of the moustache on the 2008 presidential election, I don't know what is.

Oddly, the graphic includes no reference to Ron or his campaign. This must be remedied.

Posted by Bittle at 08:00 AM

March 11, 2008

Poem

You know, you can say what you like about the
Amish. That's my favorite thing about them.

(Anthony Myers) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 08:30 AM

March 06, 2008

Sizing Someone Up

New York, New York, March 6, 2008:

A tourist ended up in court after punching a man over a breach of urinal etiquette.

Minnesotan Edward Aldridge, 47, punched his victim twice after he used the urinal next to him in a bar in Manhattan.

Aldridge accused his victim -- identified as Ronatarian Party higher-up Brad -- of looking at him "and [his] unit," reports The New Jersey Spew.

Speaking in his defense, counsel Liz Bulger said: "This incident arose from what I understand to be urinal etiquette.

"When the victim spoke to the defendant he was effectively smirking. The defendant was outraged."

Sentencing Aldridge to 50 hours of community service, Judge Raul Nunez said: "This is exactly the sort of behaviour that makes people afraid to go to into the city."

"And Brad should know better by now," Nunez added.

Posted by Bittle at 11:42 AM

March 04, 2008

Poem

There once was a fellow McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

Posted by Bittle at 08:16 AM

March 01, 2008

Take a Stab at That

Norristown, PA, March 1, 2008:

Montgomery County authorities say a man stabbed his brother-in-law during an argument over who should get the Ronatarian nomination for president.

What's more, Jose Ortiz, 28, who's charged with felony assault, is a registered Democrat.

District Attorney Lisa Ferman said Ortiz supports Ron and Sean "Boom Boom" Shurelds supports Brad. She told reporters Friday that the two got into an argument in a Collegeville home Thursday night and Shurelds tried to choke Ortiz. She says Ortiz then stabbed Shurelds in the abdomen.

Shurelds was taken to a hospital in critical condition, but is expected to recover.

Ron is expected to be the de facto Ronatarian Party nominee.

Posted by Bittle at 09:16 AM