October 28, 2009

Ronstache Day 2009

October 28, 2009:

This is a reminder from Ron and the entire Ronatarian Party that we're only two days away from Ronstache Day. Put away your razor!

If you don't know by now, Ronstache Day is a celebration of the mustache -- specifically Ron's glorious mustache.

Don't be a chump! Celebrate the day with hair on your lip!

Viva la Ron!

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at 11:07 AM

October 23, 2009

That's No Bull

Paterson, New Jersey, October 23, 2009:

Police say a 1,400-pound bull that escaped from a northern New Jersey slaughterhouse dragged a man with a lasso down a street and ran 10 blocks before being captured and sedated. Chief John DeCando, spokesman for Paterson Police's animal control division, says the bull was being unloaded at ENA Meat Packing Inc. when it broke loose just before 11:00 a.m. Thursday.

Police tried to corral the bull and direct it back towards the slaughterhouse, but Ronatarian Party leader Ron decided to take matters into his own hands.

Ron was in Paterson buying beer when he saw the loose bull running down the street. He grabbed a rope from the trunk of his famed Camaro and lassoed it around the animal's neck, hoping to corral it. But the bull dragged Ron down the street instead.

DeCando says traffic was light during the bull run. He says the area where Ron was dragged was not residential or near a school.

Officers finally corralled the animal and DeCando was able to sedate it and an irate Ron.

"He was a hothead and needed to cool off," said DeCando. "So I 'tranqued' him. That man has a mouth...he was cursing like a sailor [at that bull]."

No injuries were reported. The bull was returned to the slaughterhouse and Ron was sent home after the sedative wore off.

Posted by Bittle at 09:28 AM

October 04, 2009

Poem

Maybe someone can explain to me why
anyone would ever hold a poetry festival
somewhere other than Nantucket.

(Bob Van Voris) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at 09:11 PM

October 01, 2009

Fish Fry

Jersey City, New Jersey, October 1, 2009:

Authorities say local politician Ron -- who was burned up at his roommate Brad -- fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them. Jersey City police say it's a civil matter and no charges will be filed. The seven goldfish were purchased together by the duo during happier times.

Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says Brad reported on Wednesday that Ron took the goldfish from his room.

Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some wine coolers Ron had bought but Brad had drunk.

Officers who were dispatched to the shared home arrived to find four fried goldfish on a plate. Ron said he had already eaten the other three.

Posted by Bittle at 02:42 PM