June 22, 2009

Garbage Pail Politician

Jersey City, New Jersey, June 22, 2009:

A New Jersey politician who was found asleep headfirst in a neighbor's trash can after a night of drinking has apologized and says he's embarrassed. No charges have been filed against Ron, who is the upstart Ronatarian Party's founder and leader.

Ron said he had dinner and drinks with friends in nearby Newark on Saturday night. He said he was driven home in roommate Brad's Dodge Neon, but remembers little that happened after that.

A neighbor found Ron in the trash can early Sunday and called police, who helped Ron home.

Jersey City Police Chief Tim Deeringer said no crime was committed and that Ron was cooperative and not a threat to anyone.

"He smelled awful...like booze and coffee grounds," said Deeringer.

The City Council president said she will call a special meeting next week to discuss Ron's status with the city as this is not his first offense involving alcohol.

Posted by Bittle at 09:17 AM

June 05, 2009

Horizon Red Ale

St. Paul, Minnesota, June 5, 2009:

While drinking at a bar on Friday night, I spied this advertisement for Summit Brewing Company's Horizon Red Ale. I had to double-take to make sure my bloodshot eyes were focusing correcting and my beer-addled brain was comprehending the significance of what I saw.

There, on the bar, was a foldable paper ad combining mustaches and beer.

Everyone knows Ron adores beer. Everyone knows Ron has a distinctive mustache. (And some even remember Ron's fascination with red-headed women.) Summit Brewing obviously merged the two pillars of Ron -- beer and a mustache -- into a powerful ad campaign. If this isn't an endorsement of Ron's desire to right what is wrong with America, I don't know what is.

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at 11:57 PM