June 30, 2014

Poem

I figured nothing says "Thank you"
like a few nude photos. Apparently,
though, the priest who married us
would have preferred a simple card.

(Lori Petterson) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 10:26 AM

June 20, 2014

Stachifier

June 20, 2014:

You met a person. Let's say it was a woman. You were drunk. She looked good to go. You hooked up. She took you to her place. Things got kinky. You didn't bother to wear a condom. You woke up and slipped away before dawn. You got home. You showered. You patted yourself on the back and forgot about it after telling the story to your buddies.

Nine months later there's a phone call. "A blood test? For what!?! Who's calling? How'd you get my number? Oh, the police..."

It happened. You're a father. You have a baby. Yep...it's yours...no getting out of it. Thankfully, it's a male. But will it become the right kind of man when it matures? Here's how you lock that down: Stachifier.

The Stachifier. Buy it. Make your baby look like a strapping man -- like Ron. You owe it to your son. All sons deserve it. You're responsible in molding your boy into a man and this is the first step. Do it already.

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at 10:29 AM