February 23, 2004

Masking The Humor

Newark, New Jersey, February 23, 2004

Three classes at Rutgers University's Newark campus - two of them in the past two weeks - have been interrupted by a man who flashed students and then ran.

A man wearing nothing but a trench coat, a Ron mask, and tennis shoes entered a class auditorium Friday just as a criminal justice exam began, said freshman Erik Triggs.

Ron is a politician based in nearby Jersey City and has declared himself a presidential candidate in the upcoming November election. He is affiliated with the Ronatarian Party, a rowdy political movement devoted to promoting its candidate at any cost.

The man opened his trench coat, danced around and ran from one door to the other while yelling "Ron is God!," "Ron likes cheese!," and "Vote Ron!," Triggs said.

The previous incident happened February 10 when a man fitting the same description interrupted a human studies class, said Brent Bruton, an anthropology professor.

The man ran from the north side of the stage to the south end, with his trench coat open to roughly 400 students, Bruton said. The incident took less than 10 seconds.

"He was not well endowed by any means," Bruton added. "Kind of puny and lame... Disgusting, really."

Rutgers-Newark Police Captain Gene Deisinger said on December 10, 2003, a man entered the Molecular Biology Building and exposed himself. The man was described as being in his late 20s, with a black trench coat and a rubber mask.

If arrested, the man could be charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct, Deisinger said.

The Ronatarian Party denies any involvement in the stunt, but added it loved the "free publicity."

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February 20, 2004

New Ron4President Website Launch

February 20, 2004

Today everybody's favorite website for the Ronatarian Party reopened after a complete reformat. The general public had no idea what was happening -- the site continued for over 3 months with very few updates. Many thought the Ronatarian Party had simply given up and disappeared from the political spectrum. It was even speculated by the Chinese that Ron was dead. Not bloody likely!

"This is political genius," vice presidential candidate Brad told us, "They will never see us coming. All the other candidates have been going around making idiots of themselves. People pretty much hate all of them by now. But we've been keeping a low profile out of the spotlight. America's looking for a fresh inspiration to lead them into the future -- that person is Ron! Yeeeaww!!!"

Ron captivated America in 2000 with a grassroots campaign for radical change in the United States. He asked the questions no one else dared ask. He challenged his fellow Americans to ride along with him on the trail to true democracy and freedom. He wowed audiences the world over with his charisma, mustache, and witty banter. In the process, he churned up a load of disenfranchised voters who were unhappy with the status quo and taught them how to fight for him. He represented the new political voice of those who had nothing left to believe in. He farted into a microphone as a rebuttal at a high school mixer/debate in Missouri. He did it all and he is back in 2004 to rock the vote once again!

The new site features an all new message forum, voting, searching, and interactive comments after every entry. Almost all of the old website has been converted into the new format. Only a few remaining sections remain and soon the old website will be available to view in the archives.

"It's a whole new world of Ron," said beta tester Terry Hartzell. "Now there's nothing Ron cannot do. What did the five fingers say to the face? [Slap!] I'm Ron, bitch!"

Ron encourages all of the visitors to his webpage to get involved and post their thoughts on-line. He wants to create a political forum here at Ron4President.com that will help him, and his cause, better relate to his constituents. So share your thoughts and spread the word of Ron!

Strap yourself in and ride along with Ron in his quest for a better tomorrow.

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