September 26, 2007


I recently saw a brand of laundry detergent
that claims it cleans by harnessing the power
of nature. After all these centuries, it's
about time we made Mother Nature our bitch and
started forcing her to do our laundry.

(~Anthony Myers)

Posted by Bittle at 08:27 AM

September 24, 2007

Star Struck

Star Struck

Weehawken, New Jersey, September 24, 2007:

Movie star George Clooney and a female companion were injured this past weekend when their motorcycle collided with a car on a narrow road across the Hudson River from New York City.

The 46-year-old actor suffered a broken rib and scrapes while his passenger, Sarah Larson, broke her foot in the afternoon collision.

Clooney's spokesman Stan Rosenfield says both were treated and released from Palisades Medical Center in North Bergen, New Jersey. "He's doing fine," Rosenfield said. "He has a broken rib, it's very painful, and it'll take a long time to heal."

Clooney and Larson attempted to pass on the right of a tricked-out Dodge Neon that was preparing to make a right turn, said Weehawken police Sgt. Sean Kelly. Both were wearing helmets. It was not known whether the Neon's driver, who was identified as Ronatarian Party vice presidential candidate Brad, used a turn signal. The accident is under investigation.

"It's a he-said, Brad-said right now, but you can't pass on the right in Weehawken or anywhere in Jersey," Kelly said. Rosenfield said the accident occurred when the car signaled for a left turn but instead turned right and clipped Clooney's motorcycle.

George Clooney was in the area filming the comedy Burn After Reading, co-starring Brad Pitt, John Malkovich, and Frances McDormand.

Rosenfield said Clooney's injury should not interrupt the production schedule. Clooney's next film, Michael Clayton, will be released in October. He and Larson have been seen together at recent film festivals and movie premieres.

The accident should not affect Brad's campaigning schedule or his (low) standing in the polls.

Posted by Bittle at 01:04 PM

September 20, 2007

Snake in the Gas

Snake in the Gas

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, September 20, 2007:

A snake slithered out of the engine compartment of Ron's Camaro when he stopped to get gasoline, causing a bit of commotion at the station. The Ronatarian Party founder and leader was at a Wawa convenience store in the city on Wednesday morning when a woman at the gas pump next to him began yelling, police said.

Ron thought nothing of the shouting, as women often scream in his presence.

A boa constrictor more than 5 feet long was emerging from Ron's engine compartment, police said. It slithered out to the store's parking lot, where police were able to capture it.

"It created quite a traffic jam there, because everybody wanted to see the snake," said police Detective Mark DiLuzio said. "[It's] something you don't see every day in a Wawa parking lot. The crowd didn't seem to care that a guy running for president was there, too...What's his name again? Roy?"

Ron told authorities the snake wasn't his and that he had no clue it was in his vehicle, police said.

A wildlife control expert suggested the cold-blooded snake, which might have been an escaped pet, went up into Ron's engine block to keep warm.

Posted by Bittle at 09:02 AM

September 18, 2007


Something seems odd about brushing my teeth
after lunch while my coworker, Dan, is seated
just a few feet away, relieving himself.
Maybe it's because we're in the supply room.


Posted by Bittle at 08:08 AM

September 14, 2007

Egghead II

Egghead II

Wilmington, Delaware, September 14, 2007:

There was another Ron sighting in a foodstuff this week, and it was in Boothwyn, Pennsylvania, just across the Delaware line.

As it happens, the seeds inside a couple's eggplant spell "RON."

It's so remarkable to Paul and Felicia Testes that they've offered it for sale on eBay for $1,000, with bids accepted into next week.

"God created that eggplant," Paul told a reporter. "He also put the seeds in that eggplant, and he guided my wife's hand to cut it where she did. God led her to's a miracle!"

Local church officials refuted that claim -- stating the find is not a miracle, but simply a chance of nature.

Ron's face previously appeared on an egg in Kazakhstan in 2006 (see Egghead). Similar sightings have been reported across the world, but not all have been confirmed.

Posted by Bittle at 08:42 AM

September 12, 2007


Sometimes when I try to tell my wife
I love her, the words just come out wrong.
Maybe I shouldn't be saying it in Klingon.


Posted by Bittle at 08:02 AM

September 10, 2007


My friend told me the whole NASA moon landing
was manufactured in a Hollywood studio. Okay,
so I could kind of buy that -- until he then
said the same thing about Star Trek! Idiot!

(Bill Ervin)

Posted by Bittle at 07:56 AM