April 24, 2007

Poem

When George Washington and Abraham Lincoln
posed for their portraits that ended up
on U.S. currency, do you think the
engraver urged them to "make this one
count because it's the money shot?"

(Kim Moser) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 08:06 AM

April 18, 2007

Poem

Coming Unstuck

If you surf the Internet
For the obscene
You may end up, literally,
Glued to your screen

- Patrick Winstanley

Posted by Bittle at 08:58 AM

April 16, 2007

Masked Man

Jersey City, New Jersey, April 16, 2007:

Bank robbers, terrorists, and prowlers have given ski masks a bad name for years, but a local New Jersey man is wearing them around town to prove that not everyone who dons one is plotting mayhem.

Ronatarian Ron got the idea in 2005 after he walked out of a liquor store and slipped on a ski mask for an impromptu photograph. A passer-by, fearing the store had been robbed, called police. Ron was charged with breach of peace and had to perform 15 hours of community service. (Ron chose to work with young unwed mothers and no official record of his arrest exists on file.)

Since then, he and his political party "disciples" have periodically worn ski masks in public places in an attempt to dispel the stereotype and to promote their warming function. Ron has even launched a Web site dedicated to "Striving to Keep America's Facial Hair Warm By Combating Ski Mask Discrimination."

"This isn't something I do to go out and scare people," he said.

In some chilly circles, ski masks seem to be making a comeback. Tom Ramos, 16, said the three-hole knit masks are retro-chic in the snowboarding community of Naugatuck, Connecticut.

On the slopes, sure. But in a bank?

"It's a little out of place," Ramos acknowledged. "But Ron seems to be a dude with ideas. If he does it, it must be alright somewhere."

Posted by Bittle at 11:53 PM

April 12, 2007

Poem

"Oops!... I Did It Again" is a wonderful title
for a pop song, but a lousy response when
you're caught sleeping with your wife's sister.

(Brad Osberg) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 02:19 PM

April 10, 2007

Dropsy Dancing

Newark, New Jersey, April 10, 2007:

A woman is suing her dance partner, claiming he dropped her on her head after flipping her into the air during a St. Patrick's Day celebration.

Lacey Hindman, 22, was a victim of "negligent dancing," says her lawyer, David M. Baum.

In the suit, Hindman claims that during an Irish-themed party at a Newark (NJ) bar and restaurant in March 2007, Ronatarian Ron grabbed her by the forearms and tossed her in the air, and then she crashed to the wood floor.

"I was in the air, over him," Hindman said. "I fell hard enough you could hear the impact of me hitting the floor over the sound from the jukebox."

Hindman said in the suit, filed in Essex County Court, that she suffered a scratch on her forehead, a sore shoulder, and a "bruised ego." She is seeking damages for medical bills and lost wages for time missed from work.

Hindman said she met the "dashing" Ron at the bar that morning over Jameson shots. "One thing led to another and we decided to cut a rug," she said. "Of course, I didn't think he would drop me on my noodle...Idiot!"

There was no immediate response to a call seeking comment from Ron on Monday.

Posted by Bittle at 07:10 AM

April 06, 2007

Poem

I thought about getting a bidet, but
decided it was cheaper and just as
efficient to do a handstand in the shower.

(Pamela Rice Hahn) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 02:03 PM

April 02, 2007

Poem

As I stood in line screaming in terror
while the cashier handed me two quarters,
one dime and a nickel, I was hit with a
sad realization: I was afraid of change.

(Paul B.) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 02:28 PM