March 17, 2010

Green Pee

Jersey City, New Jersey, March 17, 2010:

Police said two men suffered injuries after they were beaten after urinating on what they thought was an unoccupied vehicle on Wednesday morning around 11 o'clock. Police said the owner got out of the car and assaulted Ron and Brad with a golf club. Brad suffered a possible arm fracture and was transported to Our Lady of Mustached Mercy Hospital.

The two Ronatarians were apparently up early with fellow St. Patrick's Day revelers.

Police Sergeant Dan Dornes said urinating in public is a crime, but the two men will probably not be cited in this case.

"Hell, their piss was green," said Dornes. "They must've been up before dawn pounding beers. Those guys are party animals!"

Police were trying to locate the owner of the car.

Posted by Bittle at 04:17 PM

March 04, 2010

Car Bar

Jersey City, New Jersey, March 4, 2010:

Hudson County deputies say two bar patrons were almost hit by their own car this week when an alleged drunk driver slammed into it and knocked it through the wall into the saloon. Neither the patrons nor the driver was hurt.

Authorities said the two men -- identified as local politicians Ron and Brad -- were playing pool at the Jailhouse Saloon a little before closing time Wednesday morning when Brad's Dodge Neon flew through the wall.

Authorities arrested a 35-year-old man who allegedly caused the crash. Bar manager Diane Schwartz said the man is a regular customer who might have missed the parking lot turnoff.

The man was arrested on tentative charges of drunken driving and driving with a revoked license.

Schwartz said Ron and Brad are lucky they weren't hit. Said Ron: "That was a close one. Thank God it was Brad's turn to drive and it wasn't my Camaro that got all tore up and sh*t."

Brad's Neon will need major repair work, but insurance should cover all of the damages. He refused to comment for this story.

Posted by Bittle at 01:50 PM