April 23, 2009

Sing It Loud

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, April 23, 2009:

A man was acquitted Wednesday after being arrested for refusing to heed a police officer's command he stop singing in a public park. A judge found Ron not guilty of disorderly conduct, saying "This is America, not Afghanistan."

Ron, an aspiring politician from New Jersey, had faced a three month sentence after loudly singing "A Change is Gonna Come" in Rittenhouse Square in downtown Philadelphia in October (2008).

Greg Wilkinson, the arresting officer, testified Ron was singing so loud his voice drowned out his police radio.

"All he had to do was lower his voice and this never would have happened," prosecutor William James said.

Witnesses testified that Ron had asked Wilkinson what the law was restricting him from singing in the park. Wilkinson responded that he was the law. When Ron asked Wilkinson whether he was still in America, Wilkinson replied "this is Afghanistan," according to witnesses.

The city is now reviewing what sorts of music should be allowed in its public parks.

Defense attorney Evan Shingles said Ron had every right to ignore the officer's unlawful command.

Posted by Bittle at 04:15 PM

April 14, 2009

Crime of the Century Club

Jersey City, New Jersey, April 14, 2009:

Ron was supposed to report for jury duty in a drunk driving case. Instead, according to authorities, the New Jersey man skipped the jury duty so he could drink himself.

Ron received a summons to appear as a prospective juror in the case. When he didn't show up on Monday, a bailiff called his house. Ron told the bailiff he was too busy to come to court.

Associate Circuit Judge Samuel Thompson instructed officers to bring Ron to the courthouse. Deputies say they detected a strong odor of alcohol on him. Ron was held in custody while the DWI trial went on.

Authorities say Ron told the judge he had been drinking rum in the morning. Thompson found Ron in contempt of court and fined him $250.

Ron was released after Thompson gave him a condescending tongue lashing. After the tirade, Thompson mentioned how he admired Ron's tenacity in running for president every four years. After praising his political determination, Thompson told Ron he would wipe the incident off his permanent record, but would not tolerate a similar event in the future.

Posted by Bittle at 08:05 AM

April 09, 2009

Poem

How come so many conservative Christians
insist the only method of birth control
that is 100% effective is abstinence?
I can think of one documented case where
even THAT didn't work -- and you'd
think they'd all be familiar with it.

(Chris Irby) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at 08:47 PM

April 06, 2009

American Idolatry

Los Angeles, California, April 6, 2009:

Is Adam Lambert gay?

According to pictures that emerged on the web, he may well be.

Big news on Sunday as pictures emerged of American Idol contestant Adam Lambert kissing another guy. The pictures surfaced on VotefortheWorst.com and show the 26-year old kissing a man identified by message boards as "Brad."

The pictures are said to have originated from Lambert's personal Tribe.net page, as part of a Burning Man community.

While Adam Lambert has yet to reveal his orientation, a lot of message boards have been running overtime on this topic. Before the pictures emerged, Lambert himself added fuel to the conversation while talking about kissing a female co-star during his days as a stage actor. In an interview he said: "I've gotten to kiss those lips, and although it's not necessarily my preference, it was really nice."

The true identity of "Brad" has not yet been determined.

A statement by the Ronatarian Party said that while Brad is a fan of the American Idol program, they don't believe he has "hooked up with any of the contestants."

Brad was unavailable for comment. It is rumored he is in Southern California on vacation.

Posted by Bittle at 09:03 AM