February 27, 2017



Jersey City, New Jersey, February 27, 2017:

Jersey City Police answered a strange call from Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron early Sunday morning that has them howling at the moon. According to police reports, Ron was bitten by his roommate's dog, but thought the sharp pain was something else.

Apparently, Ron's #2 Brad asked the repeatedly failed presidential candidate to dogsit while Brad went to Key West over the weekend. While heavily intoxicated in his home (alone), Ron felt a sharp pain in his buttocks. Having forgotten that Snookums was in his room led to Ron thinking he had been shot by a firearm.

The event shook him so much that he called the Jersey City Police Department. The New Jersey Spew published the JCPD's report/opinion of the incident:

"To quell the rumor concerning a reported shooting today, I want to offer this brief explanation. We responded to a report of a shooting at a local home. Officer Cox arrived on scene first and was flagged down by a mustached male who stated he believed he'd been shot in the left buttock while in his room.

"During the course of the investigation, it was determined that the 'victim' had been drinking copious amounts of Mad Dog 20/20 as a thunderstorm passed through the area. The loud thunder scared the dog ... causing it to nip the 'victim' in the left buttock. He believed he'd been shot and subsequently called the police. He was treated at the scene by EMS and released."

When asked to make a statement, Ron said "that damned mutt got spooked by thunder and took a piece out of my ass!"

This is not the first time the JCPD has been called to Ron's house for an odd occurrence. "Frankly, we're sick of these repeated shenanigans," said a police official who wished to remain anonymous.

Posted by Bittle at 11:14 AM

February 07, 2017


Violets are blue
Roses are red
We're doing this backwards
That's what she said!


Posted by Bittle at 11:46 AM