"I am part of a very special community. People with mustaches look out for each other."

"With great mustache comes great responsibility."

"I'm not living my life without a mustache."

Posted by Bittle at 08:01 AM

January 14, 2008

Poem

If you can stay married to Bill Clinton, is
there anything you can't do? On the other hand,
if you're willing to stay married to Bill
Clinton, is there anything you *won't* do?

(The Covert Comic) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at 10:54 PM

January 09, 2008

Restroom Break

White Plains, New York, January 9, 2008:

A man who was apparently worried about a random drug test asked vice presidential candidate Brad at a mall for a urine sample.

White Plains Police say Marcos Delacruz, 42, was charged with attempted evasion and endangering the welfare of Brad. He was arrested several hours after the incident in the men's room at the mall on Tuesday.

Deputy Public Safety Commissioner Daniel Jackson said Delacruz took the sample to his appointment with his probation officer.

A curious Brad was flattered by Delacruz's initial interest in him, but grew wary after several minutes.

"He seemed awfully butch," Brad said of Delacruz.

Brad ran and told his running mate Ron -- the presidential candidate from the Ronatarian Party -- that a man in the men's room had asked him to urinate in a bottle. Ron called police on his behalf and Brad described the man.

Jackson said the officers contacted local probation, parole, and court offices and found Delacruz, who had an appointment at the Westchester County Probation Department.

Brad was reminded that meeting strange men in restrooms is not a safe practice.

Ron and Brad were at the mall to promote their campaign to win the White House in November.

Posted by Bittle at 08:03 AM

January 07, 2008

Poem

I wanted to start off the new year with
a bang, but the wife said she had a headache.

(Wiley) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 08:06 AM

January 04, 2008

Two Man Turns

Jackson, Wyoming, January 4, 2008:

Everyone's heard of a bicycle built for two, but how about a two-person snowboard? Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron built one and recently teamed up with his running mate Brad to make some two-man turns down the Teewinot run at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort.

They did it for a television crew and the Guinness Book of World Records. It can only help to promote their political campaign.

"It seemed initially like going down a mountain in a canoe without a paddle, but after taking a few runs, a light went on," Brad said. "You're splitting the duties, so it feels like a marriage...well, not in this state. (Maybe Massachusetts.) You give up half of the control, and if it's a good one you don't crash."

The snowboard, called the "RB-13," is 9 feet, 7 inches long. Ron created the snowboard in his garage in New Jersey. He linked two snowboards lengthwise, bolting the rear board on top of the front board.

With practice -- and a cooperative partner -- Ron figured out how to ride the thing.

"It's so heavy, you get going pretty quick," Ron said. "On steeper hills you're definitely looking for some drag."

They registered the board on the Guinness Book of World Records website and were told they could set a record for the world's longest snowboard. To get the record, Ron needed to turn in a video of two people riding the board for at least five consecutive turns.

The two men are now awaiting confirmation of their record. Brad is already thinking about marketing the tandem board.

"It could be a teaching tool," he said. "Especially if you constructed a triple, because a person could get in between two butch male instructors."

Posted by Bittle at 08:15 AM

January 02, 2008

Playboy Shout-Out

A nod to Ron's famous mustache in the November 2007 issue of Playboy. Could a presidential endorsement from Hugh Hefner be far behind?

Posted by Bittle at 08:19 AM