The Ron Apple Experiments Day 14 - January 22, 2001

It has been a grueling weekend for the Ron Pear. Shortly after his emergence from the freezer, he could not stand on his own toothpicks. I had to lie him down on his side which caused his head to split open and ooze a clear-like fluid on the ground. He has spent the last couple of days resting on a Bounty towelette.

The Ron Pear's skin is beginning to regain its rigidity. His insides remain squishy. I think that in time, he will make a complete recovery. We did learn that Ron becomes an African American when going out in the cold after swimming. We can use this knowledge to bridge the barriers between race. 

Our other two friends are faring well. It seems that Ron Macintosh is lighter than the others, although he's clearly the largest. They seem very concerned over Ron the Pear. 

Mr Wonderful (Paul Orndorff) had the following to say about the Ron Pear's current condition:
"What we're witnessing here is equivalent to puberty for the Ron Pear. He's going through a transformation into a greater, stronger, more bad-assed Ron. His blood sugar is all out of whack. He's feeling a bit fruity. When he comes out of this, he's gonna open a big can of whoop ass. Can you smell what the Ron is cookin'?"

We will keep you up to date on any recent developments. Our scientists are working around the clock to unravel the secrets of the universe which the Ron apple experiments are uncovering.

Posted by Ron at January 22, 2001 09:47 PM

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