Screwy In St. Louie

October 17, 2000: St. Louis, MO Local supporters of the Ronatarian Party presidential ticket joined forces with their colleagues from across Missouri to protest the exclusion of their presidential candidate, Ron, from the debate held at Washington College in St. Louis. Ron commented, "People are getting angrier about the arrogance of the two major parties. Who do they think they are? Puff Daddy!?!" According to Ron, he has drawn the biggest and best crowds of any candidate -- 400 in Andover last month and 10-12 in London last Saturday. "The corporate-backed parties must not be allowed to silence a...

Abstinence Is Best

October 11, 2000: Winston-Salem, NC Moderator: "Is there any difference?" Gore: "I haven't heard a big difference right in the last few exchanges..." Bush: "Well, I think it's hard to tell." The code phrase for the second Presidential debate was "I agree". Well, Ron did not agree. Twelve times during the debate in Winston-Salem, North Carolina George W. Bush and Al Gore used a variant of the phrase "I agree with you". Twenty-eight more times they used other words to let the national television audience know they were in agreement on everything from foreign policy to trigger locks to...

Public Opposes Debate Lock-Out

Boston, Massachusetts: October 3, 2000 Ron called his exclusion from the presidential debates an "affront to democracy" and as "not giving me my props!" He cited a short list of mentally handicapped Americans from his campaign headquarters, and others from the world of politics, who have said that he should be given the chance to debate the major party candidates. This list includes: Chris Jones, Governor Jesse Ventura, former third-party presidential candidate John Anderson, "Amazing" Larry, Paul Reubens, Ted Nugent, Jackie Martling, and Phil Donahue. Polls have consistently shown support for having Ron, Ralph Nader, and "Nutty" Pat Buchanan...

Semper Ubi Sub Ubi

Andover, Massachusetts, September 28, 2000: All classes were cancelled for Ron's big speech at Phillips Academy, the high school of both former President George Bush Senior (class of 1942) and opponent George W. Bush (class of 1964). The campus was sectioned off with barbed wire, FBI agents, metal detectors, and snipers on the rooftops as Ron spoke before an audience of students, townsfolk, and aspiring wedding singers. Ron charmed the crowd with his infamous lip-sync of Milli Vanilli's Blame It On The Rain sung entirely in Latin before he moved on to topics like global warming and saving the...