Bat Boy Gives Endorsement

Waltham, Massachusetts, March 29, 2004:

Bat Boy is on the loose again -- and this time, the little guy is endorsing Ron for President!

Aides scurried for cover and the Ronatarian Party candidate's jaw dropped in shock, sources say, when the shrieking, 2-foot, 6-inch mutant half-walked, half-flew into a Ronatarian campaign office in town.

"Of course, we all knew who Bat Boy was," said one campaign worker. "But we were jumpy because he has a reputation for being kind of unpredictable. And to tell you the truth, he's even scarier-looking in person than he is in the newspaper. ...But then again, so is N8."

But Bat Boy, who hadn't been seen since he escaped from a Georgia laboratory two weeks ago, quickly made it clear that his mission was a friendly one.

"Bat Boy can't talk, of course -- but he showed us in his own inimitable way that he was there to endorse our man," the aide said. "He started screeching and excitedly pointing at a Ron for President sign and shaking his head 'yes, yes, yes.'

"Then he hopped over and started patting Ron on the back and shaking his head 'yes, yes, yes' again.

"When he spotted a bumper sticker that said, Enough Jibba-Jabba...Vote for Ron Crazy Fool!, he held it across his chest and began excitedly pointing at himself. It was clear that he was saying, 'Yep, I'm voting for him myself.'"

Witnesses said the little refugee from the mountains of Virginia flitted around the office for 10 minutes or so, then walked over to Ron and extended his gnarled little hand. After a moment's hesitation, the mustached presidential candidate extended his and the two shook hands vigorously before stopping to pose for photographers.

Then all hell broke loose.

"He was moving toward the door and people were saying goodbye to him and I thought he was going to leave," Ron recalled. "But suddenly, he shrieked and ripped off his coat and tie and shirt until he was totally bare-chested. And then he came up and gave me a 'love bite' on the shoulder that I'll never forget.

"I'll probably have a scar, but that's OK, because I know he was just trying to be friendly.

"Then, while I was still rubbing my shoulder, he scooted out the door and just disappeared down the street."

Ron was in Waltham coordinating his New England campaign.

Posted by Bittle at March 29, 2004 04:34 PM

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