Ron on Agriculture

American agriculture traditionally relied on the family farm. Growing up in the Garden State of New Jersey, Ron had a utopian view of the rundown farmhouses, 14-hour days, rustic equipment, back-breaking labor, minimal pay, and low social standing. In the modern era, the agricultural system has been taken over by a few conglomerates. Ron is confused: "What happened to the family farm? The farmer's daughter? The sheep?" The Freedom to Farm Act (1996) aimed to "get the government out of agriculture." This single piece of legislation has resulted in historically low commodity prices, severe decline in farm income and the number of farmers, and grand profits for grain merchandisers. Congress is responding to low farm income with direct payments to farmers. Thus, farm income which previously came from the marketplace now comes from taxpayers. While Ron is not against taxpayers, besides himself, footing the bill for costly national expenditures, he has decided to draw the line on this issue. Ron's Agriculture Theory (RAT) will do just that. RAT proposes to cut international imports of foodstuffs like reindeer sausage, chick peas, and Canadian bacon. Ron is pushing to keep all consumables "home grown" and ban the importation of any foodstuffs. This would stimulate the domestic farming economy and keep out such unwanted foods as Popov vodka, Goya beans, and Hartzell sardines. Sporting a milk mustache, Ron tussled with a group of female dairy farmers in Wisconsin after he joked, "There's nothing I'd rather squeeze than an American farmer's teat." While it took 17 police officers and a priest to calm down the crowd, the farmers eventually got the meaning of RAT after Ron explained it using a large toothpick diorama. As for the supposed "Frankenfood" issue, Ron likes the taste better and is promoting its development with taxpayer funding.

Posted by Webmaster at September 28, 2000 05:44 PM

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