Ron on Foreign Policy

The United States expends huge amounts of personnel and money in preparing for war. But the U.S. is not rigorously attempting to mediate current scenarios or anticipating preventable conflicts. "Preventive Diplomacy" is a slogan Ron is promoting on his ticket. Ron finds it amazing that any discussion of foreign policy is usually about current hot spots, instead of asking, "How did we get into this god-forsaken situation in the first place?" What could have been done to avoid it? Ron will hire historians to his staff so he can learn from mistakes and successes from the past. In this way, he can relate the Salem Witch Trials to child prostitution rings in Southeast Asia. Ron feels that needless violence between human beings has no place outside the arena of professional wrestling. In a garrulous speech delivered to out-of-work cabana boys, Ron laid out his defense plans: "It is important to have a lean, mean defense...a lot like Mr. T. It looks so pretty on the outside, but inside is a tiger waiting to break loose. A wasteful defense is a weak defense. A weak defense is like Mrs. Butterworth." America has a history of siding with the rich and flashy dictators and oligarchs and never with the dirty and low-down scum that make up the peasantry. The U.S. tends to support these tyrants as long as they're anticommunist. This policy is wrong and must be overhauled. In the realm of national defense and international diplomacy, we are currently proposing a national missile defense system. In a survey, three out of four physicists have recommended putting an end to the development of such a system because it is just not going to work. The international community is chastising us for building such a system, which they feel threatens their sovereignty. "F--k those cheese eating surrender monkeys in France and elsewhere!" yelled Ron at the Franco-American Rally for Togetherness (FART). Ron is proud of America's influence on globalization. He does not want to rescue the languages of indigenous historic cultures. He is pushing to formally allow Western corporatism to define the world's culture. Ron is also quite interested in exchanging (or swapping) the females in his workplace with buxom young lasses from Scandinavia.

Posted by Webmaster at September 22, 2000 05:19 PM

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