Ron on Presidential Debates

To shut out an illegitimate third-party candidate like Ron from the major presidential debates is to limit the competitive democratic process on which the American electoral system is supposedly built. To butcher a Bible verse -- if Ron cannot go to the debates, then bring the debates to Ron. Ron is proposing a new format of presidential debate called "SLOPPY Ts" -- or State and Legislative Oratory Presidential PrimarY Talks. Ron is betting that SLOPPY Ts would be appreciated everywhere, but only if packaged nicely and properly supported. "If only every citizen of voting age could immerse himself headlong in SLOPPY Ts, a better understanding of the throbbing election issues would arise," Ron stated to the family group Moms Against Dads (MAD) in Eugene, Oregon. SLOPPY Ts would not be a loose, seemingly random gyration of events and speeches, but a focused event. The candidates would all gather in a padded room with recessed television cameras -- each participant armed only with a microphone, a six-pack of beer, and a can of whipped cream. The opening bell would sound and a moderator would ask the candidates a topical question. An open forum would ensue and the candidates would answer as they see fit. If political conflicts arise, the candidates would settle it inside the room by whatever means they saw fit. But, if by the end not all candidates have finished their beers, they are punished by having to concede a demoralizing, and televised, "atomic noogie" to those candidates who did finish their beers. Ron feels, in this way, the true nature of the participating politicians and the hot issues will manifest themselves. Ron proposes a pair of SLOPPY Ts for all to watch on national TV before Election Day. It might have to be carried on cable, so check your local listings.

Posted by Webmaster at September 26, 2000 05:31 PM

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