Alphabits

Greencastle, Indiana, July 26, 2006:

A letter-loving thief has police and business owners baffled after dozens of Ns, Os, and Rs were stolen from signs around the community.

"We've lost our Rs. And we want them back," said Randall Jones, president of Headley Hardware.

The weekend caper targeted gas stations, restaurants, repair shops, and medical offices in the city of 10,000 people about 40 miles west of Indianapolis.

The thief also nabbed half a dozen Os from a lighted marquee in front of a National Guard post.

"I don't know if they think it's a joke, but to me it's just theft," said National Guard Sgt. Robert Lamb. "I just think it's disturbing."

Putnam Inn manager Jane Hansen isn't sure how the thief climbed more than 6 feet off the ground to take Ns from a sign in front of her motel.

"Whoever's doing it needs to put their talents to something more constructive," she said.

Forensic detectives assigned to the case say the evidence all points to R-O-N.

"The stupidity of the thefts immediately leads me to suspect the Ronatarian movement [of New Jersey]," said lead detective Stephen Nesbit. "I can't prove anything, but I have my suspicions. What worries me most is that Ronatarianism seems to be spreading West...like the Asian Bird Flu."

Greencastle Police said they've been notified about the stolen letters, but many business owners are choosing not to file reports. They won't say it publicly, but it is widely believed that the victims do not want to draw any more attention to the radical political movement.

Posted by Bittle at July 26, 2006 07:57 AM