Car Wash Hero

Hoboken, New Jersey, February 26, 2009:

A car wash employee says she owes her life to a Jersey City politician who rushed to help her when her scarf became caught in a spinning scrubber brush and starting choking her.

Stephanie Carpluk says she was terrified as she desperately tried to free herself from the rotating brush while Ronatarian Party leader Ron's famed Camaro started moving through the Golden Nozzle car wash in Hoboken Thursday morning.

"The spinner spun my scarf around so it pulled me closer," Carpluk explained. "I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do. I was just so scared."

Carpluk continued to struggle to remove the scarf before she lost consciousness. That's when Ron jumped out of his car and got her free by tearing the scarf with his teeth and hands.

The next thing Carpluk remembers is waking up in the arms of a mustached stranger who was encouraging her to breathe.

"I started hearing little things like, 'You're breathing. You're not half-bad looking. Are you registered to vote? You're going to be alright. Can I get a discount from this? If you don't make it out as a vegetable, would you volunteer for the Ronatarian Party?'" Carpluk said.

After freeing Carpluk from the scarf, Ron said he administered CPR until she began breathing again. Security camera footage shows Ron simply massaging Carplunk's chest and trying to kiss her. Local EMS could not confirm that what Ron did was technically CPR, but they do agree his actions probably saved her life.

Carplunk refuted all allegations that Ron might actually just be a perverted mess of a man, not her knight in shining armor. "There's no question about it, I would have been dead if he hadn't come," she said. "I won't hear any other word against [Ron]."

Carpluk is recovering from severe bruising around her neck and under her eyes. She says she hopes to thank Ron in person very soon.

No word on if Ron received a discount at the Golden Nozzle.

Posted by Bittle at February 26, 2009 04:56 PM