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Newark, New Jersey: November 20, 2003

A man and a pay phone were rushed to a hospital after he got his finger stuck in the coin return slot while trying to retrieve his 50 cents.

Emergency room doctors gave Ronatarian Party founder Ron a painkiller Monday and pried his middle finger loose using a wooden device and lubricant, ending the three-hour ordeal.

"The bone in my finger felt like it was going to break. My finger was numb. It was very painful," said Ron, a yet-to-be-formally declared 2004 presidential candidate. "That's my flippin'-off finger too...it's my 'bird.'"

Ron had tried to call his running mate Brad, but the line was busy.

"Probably those sex lines he's always calling," Ron said. "I'll kill him for tying up the phone lines!"

Two passers-by tried to help. When they failed to free him, Ron used his other hand to dial 911.

Emergency crews and a representative of the company that owns the phone were sent to the scene. But they were also unable to free Ron.

The phone was near a busy bus stop.

"People on the bus who know me were laughing at me," Ron said. "It was humiliating. I felt like flipping them off, but I could not get the 'double barrel' action."

With few options left, ambulance crew members cut the telephone off at the base and took it and Ron to St. Bennett's Hospital.

"I've been in this business more than 30 years and I've seen a lot of weird things, but never anyone trapped in a telephone," said Herb Symons, manager of the ambulance company.

"Mother f*cking payphone...I need to get a cell," Ron concluded.

Posted by Webmaster at November 20, 2003 03:10 AM

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