Coming Unglued

Jersey City, New Jersey, May 22, 2007:

A gang of armed robbers forced a man to strip naked and then glued him to his exercise bike and sealed his lips with more glue while they ransacked his house, according to a published newspaper article.

Ronatarian Party higher-up Brad was left stuck to the bike with super-strong glue for three hours until he was rescued by Ronatarian leader, and fellow housemate, Ron.

Brad was carjacked Monday while driving his tricked-out Dodge Neon in Newark's seedy downtown, the New Jersey Spew reported.

His assailants, dressed in suits and armed with handguns and an automatic assault rifle, forced their way into Brad's car and made the politico drive to his house.

"The victim was then forced to strip, after which he was super-glued to the seat of an exercise bicycle, his hands were super-glued as were his feet and then his mouth was super-glued shut," Kevin Stocker, spokesman for New Jersey Office of Emergency Medical Services (OEMS), told reporters. Emergency workers provided aid at the scene.

Stocker said the robbers ransacked Brad and Ron's house while "helping themselves to Milwaukee's Best and the like."

"It's not the first time I've seen something like this...with Brad," said Ron. "But it was the first time some a**hole took sh*t from the house afterwards. I hope the cops find these sick bastards and lock 'em up!"

Posted by Bittle at May 22, 2007 05:29 PM