Convert!

Columbus, Ohio, November 3, 2004:

A man leaped into a lion's den at the Columbus Zoo on Wednesday morning to try to convert the king of beasts to Ronatarianism, but was bitten in the leg for his efforts.

"Ron will save you!" the 46-year-old Ohioan shouted at two African lions lounging under a tree a few feet away.

"Come bite me!" he said with both hands raised, television footage showed.

One of the lions, a large male with a shaggy mane, bit the man in his right leg before zoo workers drove it off with water hoses and tranquilizer guns.

Apparently, the man was upset at the "voting fiasco" in his home state. "Ron's the winner!" he kept repeating after the ordeal. "One more vote!"

Authorities believe the man is referring the Ronatarian presidential candidate and the fact that he believes one more vote could sway Ohio's 20 electoral votes to Ron.

The man is currently being evaluated for mental capacity and sanity.

Ron polled very poorly during this election. Many voters denied even recognizing his candidacy as valid. He was not legally on the ballot in any of the 50 states or the District of Columbia.

Ron could not be found for comment. It is rumored that he has holed up in a northern New Jersey bar to "drown his sorrows."

Newspapers said that the lions had been fed earlier in the day, otherwise the man might have been more seriously hurt...or worse.

Posted by Bittle at November 3, 2004 11:26 AM