Double Whammy

Jersey City, New Jersey, March 23, 2004:

A man in his mid 30s was struck by a slow-moving train as he walked home from a strip joint, and then a car slammed into the ambulance that was to take him to the hospital. The man escaped both accidents with minor injuries.

Identified as Ronatarian Party founder and presidential candidate Ron, the injured man was treated at a hospital for cuts, bruises, and a sprained finger before being released. No damage to his world famous mustache was reported.

Officials said Ron -- part of a brash political movement based in northern New Jersey -- was heading home from an evening out Friday when he walked into the path of a light rail train traveling about 20 miles per hour. New Jersey Transit officials said the train knocked him about 10 feet.

New Jersey Transit spokesman Ken Connaughton said Ron was apparently skipping along humming a tune, unaware of his surroundings, at the time of the accident.

"He heard the train trying to warn him. ...He was disoriented and thought the train was coming from the other direction," Connaughton said. "What a moron...I mean, how do you put yourself in that position?"

As Ron was being loaded into an ambulance, a car slammed into the vehicle. Another ambulance later took Ron to the hospital where he was treated.

"It was a real double-whammy," quipped onlookers.

Ron's vice presidential running mate Brad took him home from the hospital and seemed relieved to have Ron pronounced "fit and able" by staff doctors.

"Bad things tend to come in threes," Brad added. When reminded that only two accidents occurred in this case, Brad started to say something about an accident at the strip joint just before Ron left. It seemed to occur while one of the female performers was dancing and grinding on Ron's groin. Accounts were speculative, however, and Brad refused to comment further saying, "I think I said too much already."

Ron refused to comment, but only leered at Brad upon leaving the gaggle of media reporters on the scene.

There were no reports of serious injury to the paramedics or the four passengers in the car, officials said.

Posted by Bittle at March 23, 2004 03:53 PM

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