Facial Farce

Schoemberg, Germany, March 26, 2001:

More than 250 hairy-faced men gathered in southwest Germany over the weekend for the 10th annual world beard and mustache championships.

Participants from 15 countries were classified in 16 categories, as specified by the Association of German Beard Clubs, including "Emperor" and "Musketeer," for certain kinds of mustaches, and "Garibaldi" and "Verdi" for full beards.

Notables at the event were Jonathan Frakes (aka William Riker on "Star Trek: The Next Generation"), former Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron, Hall of Fame pitcher Rollie Fingers, and cartoon icon Dr. Benton Quest ("Jonny Quest").

Participants had to parade their whiskers in front of a jury and the winners were given trophies at the prize-giving ceremony, which ran into early Sunday morning.

"This has been a wonderful, showcase event," gushed Ron. "Just being in the presence of such great facial hair makes my own mustache want to stand on end."

Ron was at the event as a celebrity guest in the U.S. contingent.
While not an official contestant, Ron's mustache was positively received by all who saw it.

"I really thought there was nothing special about my mustache, but the people here seem to love it," he admitted. "I wish I could have attracted this much attention and support in America during my [presidential] campaign."

Hans-Joachim van Wanrouy, whose six-pointed beard was deemed one of the most creative, said he had spent close to six hours before the competition styling it.

For those whose facial hair fitted into no traditional category, the organizers had a special "freestyle" class, which included curls, points and other unusual shapes.

Ron said that the event was educational as well. "The Germans really know their beards...they offered lectures on grooming tips and styling techniques."

He added, "It really was a perfect affair. If we can grow Brad one of those, it will boost our ratings in the next election."

Posted by Webmaster at March 26, 2001 10:29 PM