Hocking A Loogie

Clarion, Pennsylvania: December 30, 2003

A former fast food chef will spend 90 days in jail for fixing a politician's hamburger with one too many ingredients - spittle.

Joseph Arbuckle, 18, of Hawthorn, admitted fouling a burger ordered by Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron, when Arbuckle worked at the Burger King in Clarion in November.

Ron discovered that Arbuckle had spit on the burger when he tried to remove the pickles from the sandwich. Ron is a well-known pickle-hater.

A sample of the saliva from the burger was then tested against a sample taken from Arbuckle, who pleaded guilty to service of adulterated food and retaliation for past official action. Arbuckle got jail time for the food charge and two years' probation for the retaliation charge, which police say stemmed from Arbuckle's past run-ins with door-to-door politicians campaigning for votes.

Arbuckle's probation, imposed Wednesday, might be cut short if he's accepted into the military.

Ron had no comment, but held up a McDonald's bag in an apparant switch from Burger King to its chief rival.

Posted by Webmaster at December 30, 2003 10:39 PM