Man-Based Legislation

Jersey City, New Jersey: March 3, 2003

A wanna-be New Jersey politician suggested to state legislators on Tuesday that it was time to create a commission to study what has gone wrong for the American male.

After raising the notion of creating a "Commission on the Status of Men" from the balcony of the New Jersey legislature, Ronatarian presidential candidate Ron told reporters: "Some people might think that it's not a serious issue, but I think it is. It's time we start studying this and find out, 'Are we neglecting our young male population out there? How can we cater more establishments to the needs of the male populace?'"

Ron said he raised the alarm because of statistics showing higher school drop-out rates among boys compared to girls, and men's lower college graduation rates. He said the problem may be an emphasis on sports among boys instead of academic pursuits. He would also like to see more strip joints and topless restaurants near his northern New Jersey headquarters.

In response, Republican Sen. Marianne Lardby rose to say simply: "Finally. Finally, after 200 some years."

Lardby said men had it pretty good for centuries and she jokingly welcomed men "to the club."

"I think this Ron fellow didn't get enough caffeine this morning," Lardby added. "Women for many, many, many generations have been encouraged to stay away from mathematics, to stay away from chemistry and any of the sciences, to find a husband (and) raise a family."

"Right," Ron replied. "So what's the friggin' problem, honey?"

Ron continued, "...Man is king of his castle. But when the queen starts grating on his nerves, he needs a sanctuary where he can recharge his spent batteries." He went on to say that the needs of his gender outweigh those of the fairer sex.

"C'mon guys, let's find a legally subsidized way to give us more pleasure," he concluded.

Posted by Webmaster at March 3, 2003 11:43 PM

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