Moustache Wrangler

Washington, DC, January 20, 2009:

It's Inauguration Day here in Washington and Ron is nowhere to be seen. His ignominious defeat in the 2008 presidential election -- as well as similar losses in 2000 and 2004 -- have left him a beaten man. Will he rally for another run at the presidency in 2012? Only time will tell.

At this point, Ron is living a quiet existence in his nondescript house in northern New Jersey. He has taken some odd jobs, gone on vacation, and has tried to put the past behind him.

Through it all, his signature mustache -- or "moustache" to some -- has remained his pillar of strength. Its boldness has inspired several and appalled thousands. But Ron has held steadfast to his position of not shaving it off. He is a master trimmer and many have asked for his council in such clipping endeavors.

It is therefore with much chagrin that I saw this while watching the January 19, 2009 episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (Comedy Central). Why was John Bolton awarded the title "Moustache Wrangler?" While I realize it is for his own "moustache" I feel the position was appointed for purely political means. Ron is obviously a more seasoned and simply better man for this station. What more must Ron do to prove his love of country and mustaches? If he needs to trim John Bolton's mustache to better America, so be it!

I therefore put it to Comedy Central's parent company Viacom to properly honor Ron for what he is and what he has done for the promotion of the mustache. Give him the proper recognition for his body of work and the hair on his upper lip. We here at Ronatarian Party headquarters demand it!

We all know it should be Ron taking the Oath of Office today on the steps of the Capitol. Don't diminish him by ignoring him.

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at January 20, 2009 07:36 AM