Nobody Beats the Wiz

Cheyenne, Wyoming: March 3, 2004

Urinating in a bottle and tossing it alongside the road would be made illegal under a bill introduced Wednesday in the Senate.

The practice, lawmakers say, has become problematic in some areas. A measure that passed introduction would classify it as littering, a misdemeanor punishable by up to nine months in prison and a $1,000 fine.

"For those of us who look at the beautiful scenery of Wyoming, we should now start looking at the shoulders of our roads," said a tongue-in-cheek Sen. Bill Vasey, D-Rawlins, the bill's sponsor.

"This is an infringement of rights!" declared Ronatarian Party founder Ron, a native of New Jersey. "I mean, what in the hell is happening to the basic liberties we are entitled to in the Constitution?"

There is no mention of the right to public urination in the Constitution, but Ron remains adamant about this issue, which he calls "polarizing."

"What trickles down from the conservative White House should not necessarily be enacted as law in our states. I blame Dick Cheney...he's from there, right?"

Admitting it would be hard to enforce, Vasey said the measure is still needed to address an increasingly pungent problem, especially among highway cleanup crews.

"I think it's beyond their scope to pick up someone's bottle of urine, to be honest with you," he said.

"...Then build a goddamn rest stop in Wyoming!" ranted Ron. "We have them all over New Jersey and we don't have a urine-in-bottle problem. Even if we did, I'd salute the freedom to piss and toss. It's an age-old practice that I don't want to see die."

The Senate Judiciary Committee will now consider the measure.

Posted by Webmaster at March 3, 2004 09:19 PM

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