Relief At 30,000 Feet

The Philippine government press undersecretary has apologized for an American guest urinating while drunk on President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's chartered jet last month, newspapers reported Wednesday.

The Philippine Star daily said American Ronatarian Party leader Ron relieved himself near the plane's emergency exit, which he apparently mistook for a restroom.

Arroyo was on the other side of the plane en route to Manila from a visit to New York. She did not see the accident take place or Ron's exposed shlong.

"I deeply apologize about all the shattered expectations," The Star and Business World daily quoted Ron as saying in a cell phone message to reporters. "How I wish I could deny it, but I can't. I mean, when you gotta go, you gotta go...and that door looked like the can to me. Hell, I was drunk. Any opening looks like a toilet at that stage. It's just too bad it happened on such a large international stage."

"The problem is the situation went beyond everybody's control," said Ron. "I took it upon myself to piss where and when I needed to, you know? I didn't think it was going to blow up like this."

Filipino press Secretary Milton Alingod told reporters that Ron was on the jet trying to work on international relations with a country known for cheap labor, child pornography, sex vacations, and terrorism.

"They're my kind of people," Ron said upon returning to the United States.

Posted by Webmaster at October 27, 2003 02:55 AM

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