Ron-away Train

Newark, New Jersey, April 26, 2004:

A New Jersey man who got drunk, fell asleep on railroad tracks, and was run over by a train slept through the entire episode and escaped unharmed, local officials said on Monday.

Ron, a 30-something U.S. presidential candidate, did not regain consciousness until well after paramedics arrived on the scene late on Saturday night.

"He must have been very drunk to have slept through all that," said John Rose, a health official in the city of Newark. "It's a miracle he wasn't hurt."

The train's driver spotted Ron on the tracks and frantically blew the whistle but was unable to rouse him or stop the train in time. The undercarriage passed within just a few inches of his body (and world famous mustache) but did not touch him.

"I counted only fourteen beers," a bewildered Ron told local newspaper The New Jersey Spew afterwards. "But who knows how many more there might have been. I don't remember. Man, what a bender!"

Ron is affiliated with the Ronatarian Party, headquartered in nearby Jersey City.

Posted by Bittle at April 26, 2004 04:31 PM

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