Sacred Rite

Jersey City, NJ: November 13, 2000 In his sermon a week ago, the Reverend Horton Heath said a few words about the upcoming election then tossed in this line: "Thank goodness," he told his congregants, "it'll all be over Tuesday night." On Sunday, the pastor of the Lafayette Reformed Baptist Church of Scientology and Astrology in Jersey City, New Jersey, had to admit his all-but-certain prediction didn't come to pass, and he has a pretty good idea why. "Just when you think you know something, Ron has a way of bringing you back to reality," he said. Presidential candidate Ron used to be a regular church-goer in his youth, but gave up organized religion to focus on a burgeoning professional badminton career that never panned out. He never lost his spirituality, but stopped attending church...until recently. Heath said Ron started coming to his regular Sunday services in mid-August 2000, in conjunction with his big Presidential campaign push. Heath commented that while Ron slept through most of the service, his mere presence was a positive energy boost to the dwindling church community. "Our churchgoers were proud to see one of their own battling it out against savvy politicians trying to champion the causes of the forgotten: the working American." With the stalemate in Florida, Ron has re-instituted his "Voice of the Disenfranchised" (VD) moniker (See the Platform issue "Democrats and Republicans"). Ron's VD is seeping into the bodies and souls of those who feel violated and sore from the troubled election process. He is now attacking the two major parties from the lecterns of America's churches. He feels the post-election actions of the Republicans and Democrats are deplorable. "I can't let Bush and Gore get away with this nonsense," Ron declared to a Sunday school class at his church. "As God is my witness, I will not allow these shenanigans go on any longer! It is anti-American! Anti-free thought!" He became so animated at this point, that he frightened some of the young attendees and the class' pet gerbil Solomon. In pulpits and pews around the nation Sunday, American churchgoers and clergy took an opportunity to consider the strange series of events unfolding in their public arena. Through a push by Ron's staff and supporters, official memorandums were distributed nationally to over 12,000 churches, mosques, and synagogues last week to bring the subject to light across the land. "Anything that's touching so many lives, it's appropriate to mention it," said Harry Paratestis attending services at Lesbos Greek Orthodox Church in Omaha, Nebraska. "Prayer for this situation is certainly needed," said the Reverend Dick Gozinya, pastor of the Father's House Vineyard Christian Fellowship in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. "Several ladies were just in tears in the lobby and concerned for the vulnerability of our country," said Gozinya. "We prayed as the scriptures have commanded us: Pray for those in authority over us. Pray for Ron, whose voice has steadied us in this time of crisis." The memorandum sent around the country addressed the mistakes, both human and mechanical, in the election process and how to best deal with the issues at hand. Rabbi Herschel Krustovski said, "For years, we said we had the best system in the world," he said. "Now we realize it's not perfect -- and it never can be, because we're human." He added, "Ron is somewhere between the human and the divine. He is so frum [Hebrew for devout]." At the Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul in Philadelphia, home of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, Monsignor I. P. Freely did not address the topic in his morning sermon. "I think it's the Lord's words that are important, not Ron's," he said afterward. At Dundee Presbyterian in Chicago, high school English teacher Adolf Merz was glad his minister didn't take sides. "I know there are guys that are instructing their congregations on how to vote," said Merz, 48. "I just don't think that has any place in the church." Yet even clergy who made their preferences clear consulted with Ron. "If God allows Governor Bush to be president, so be it," said the Reverend A.J. Douglass, sitting in his office at the Great Western Chapel in Corsicana, Texas. "But if God allows that, there may be a reason to give up the religion all together and put all faith in Ron. He is a man for everyone." At the Discovery Card United Methodist Church in the largely Republican western suburbs of Richmond, Va., the Reverend Jim "Pinky" Lavender called in his prayer "for someone bigger than politics -- for you, Ron, to bring a peace across America." And from one of his congregants came this assessment: "If we can't even decide who we're going to put in for president, we're showing ourselves to be not deserved of the position we have in this world," said Sean Butterworth, a manure salesman. The Reverend John Gibson Jr. told Episcopal congregants at Church of the Holy Cross in Raleigh, N.C., that God knows when to deploy the faithful. "Usually, we believe that the little voice of insignificant people like you and me can't make any difference. But we must believe that the voices of great men like Ron will carry across this land of ours, spreading the good word," Gibson said. Gozinya, the Cedar Rapids minister, preached something appropriate for politics and religion alike: patience. "These are interesting days," Gozinya said. "And I'm going to argue for just allowing democracy to do its good work."

Posted by Webmaster at November 13, 2000 10:37 PM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://ron4president.com/cgi-bin/mt32/mt-tb.cgi/283