Sexual Superpower

November 27, 2001: Wellington, New Zealand

The United States remains the sexual superpower of the world with Americans making love more often and with more partners than any other nationality, according to a survey by a leading condom manufacturer.

"I knew my 2000 campaign thrust would result in national victory in the [near] future!" exclaimed Ron from his former campaign headquarters in scenic northern New Jersey.

Durex SSL International said Tuesday that its annual poll of 18,500 people in 28 countries showed the world was having more sex and starting earlier than ever before, and the United States was leading the field in all departments.

The survey -- carried out in May and published ahead of World AIDS Day on December 1 -- showed respondents averaging sex 97 times a year, up from 96 last year.

But those Americans questioned averaged sex 124 times a year with over 14 different partners and were also starting earlier than anyone else at an average age of 16.

"We preach 'Early and Often' here in the Rontarian Party," explained Ron to a gaggle of reporters. "This international competition means more to us than an Olympic medal count. America has to rise to the top of the world's sexual movement and lead the globe in all facets of heterosexual carnal prowess. To borrow a phrase, it is our 'Manifest Destiny'."

The Greeks made love the second most frequently -- 117 times a year on average -- while the Germans were the second youngest to get started at 16.6 years.

"Let the Greeks take it in the ass!" yelled Ron at his press conference. "I hope the surveyors don't count homosexual acts as 'sex'."

France's reputation as a nation of lovers took something of a hit with frequency dropping from 121 times a year to 110 and slumping from top of the number of partners table to second with 13 compared to 17 a year ago.

When asked to comment on the French's declining status, Ron simply smiled and nodded -- as an apparant endorsement of the lower statistical numbers.

Japan remained bottom of the lovers league with an average 36 sexual encounters a year.

Overall, 60 percent of respondents said they had sex at least once a week and four percent claimed to make love daily.

But single people had the least sex -- 86 times a year -- and the libido of married couples (100 times) also trailed those living together (145 times).
One in 10 people said they never had sex.

"No comment!" clamored Ron at this point in the run-down of the survey.
The global average age of first sex moved down slightly to 18.0 years from 18.1, while the number of partners dropped to 7.7 from 8.2.

Men appeared to be more sexually active than women, claiming a frequency of 102 times a year against 91. Men also claimed an average 10.7 partners, versus 4.6 for women.

The beach was the most popular venue for love making, with 27 percent of respondents putting it ahead of a runner-up hot tub.

"What!?! No 'back seat of a Camaro'!?! This is ludicrous!" an astonished Ron ranted. "No wonder my luck has been so bad...That won't make the print edition, right?"

Posted by Webmaster at November 27, 2001 10:41 PM