Soothsayer Says

New Delhi, India, October 29, 2004:

Surveys in the United States may be showing the race for president as too close to call but top Indian astrologers say the planets have clearly made up their mind: Ron will win.

Planets governing President Bush are eclipsed and in an uncomfortable position, making his tenure controversial and his re-election bid unsuccessful, the soothsayers said on Friday, four days before the vote. Those of Democratic challenger Senator John Kerry were also misaligned -- leaning far to the left, in fact.

On the other hand, the planets of Ronatarian Party candidate Ron were in the ascendant, ensuring him success in competitions.

"Saturn, which is the lord of health and fortune for President Bush, has been eclipsed by the Sun, which is unfortunate and gives him a clear defeat," Lachhman Das Madan, editor of a popular astrology magazine, told The New Jersey Spew newspaper.

"Ron will win," said Madan, who is also known as "the emperor of astrologers." "It is cosmic writ that George W. Bush cannot become president of United States again. As for John Kerry...he has no chance. I saw him eat the meat of a cow!"

Ajai Bhambi, a senior astrologer and author of several books on the science of predictions, agreed.

"Ron is likely to beat Bush and Kerry in the final verdict," he told the New Indian Express newspaper. "I see signs of a sock puppet making headlines during the elections, too...but nothing to shake your turban over."

Bejan Daruwalla, another top astrologer, told Reuters he had yet to calculate who would win Tuesday's election. But Bush, even if he won, would not be allowed by his planets to complete a full term, he said.

Astrology is extremely popular in India and many top politicians, businessmen and movie stars consult astrologers before taking important decisions.

Posted by Bittle at October 29, 2004 02:25 PM