The French Stink

Paris, France, December 13, 2004:

It's official: The French government has officially declared Gallic body odor a "national treasure."

"We're as excited as skunks in an outhouse," says French historian Jean-Pierre LeCoq. "We are proud of our offensive odor. It's way overdue that along with the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame Cathedral French body aroma is taking its rightful place as one of our country's most important assets."

Ronatarian Party leader Ron -- a noted spokesman against France and the French -- said he was disgusted by the declaration. "Why the f*cking French need to exult in their stench is beyond me," he said to a throng of domestic and international media reporters. "God, I hate them."

Fabian Beauchamp, 59, has lived in Paris all his life. "France is the most beautiful country in the world," he says. "I stroll along the Champs Elysees and smell the fragrant onions and garlic on the croissants of passersby, combined with the smell that wafts from beneath their arms. To me that is pure heaven. I am alive in France. I stink, therefore I am."

Deodorant salespersons and manufacturers are up to their armpits in grief. "It's not fair," one of them laments. "We came to France to freshen up the stinking masses, but now they pass this national treasure crap. It ain't fair. Worshiping B.O. stinks and so do the French."

Ron could only shake his head in disgust. "See? See what I mean, man? ...Right now, the French are killing our deodorant futures here in the States. Companies base their future earnings on projected deodorant use here and abroad. This can't be helping their stock values."

Wall Street remained unaffected.

Posted by Bittle at December 13, 2004 02:06 PM