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The French Stink
Paris, France, December 13, 2004:
It's official: The French government has officially declared Gallic body odor a "national treasure."
"We're as excited as skunks in an outhouse," says French historian Jean-Pierre LeCoq. "We are proud of our offensive odor. It's way overdue that along with the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame Cathedral French body aroma is taking its rightful place as one of our country's most important assets."
Ronatarian Party leader Ron -- a noted spokesman against France and the French -- said he was disgusted by the declaration. "Why the f*cking French need to exult in their stench is beyond me," he said to a throng of domestic and international media reporters. "God, I hate them."
Fabian Beauchamp, 59, has lived in Paris all his life. "France is the most beautiful country in the world," he says. "I stroll along the Champs Elysees and smell the fragrant onions and garlic on the croissants of passersby, combined with the smell that wafts from beneath their arms. To me that is pure heaven. I am alive in France. I stink, therefore I am."
Deodorant salespersons and manufacturers are up to their armpits in grief. "It's not fair," one of them laments. "We came to France to freshen up the stinking masses, but now they pass this national treasure crap. It ain't fair. Worshiping B.O. stinks and so do the French."
Ron could only shake his head in disgust. "See? See what I mean, man? ...Right now, the French are killing our deodorant futures here in the States. Companies base their future earnings on projected deodorant use here and abroad. This can't be helping their stock values."
Wall Street remained unaffected.
Posted by Bittle at December 13, 2004 02:06 PM
Comments
The French used to stink, old French still do.
But the young generation, from 0 to 40 years old, never stink.
Quoting Beauchamp is like if you quoted Hitler to represent the germans, not very clever.
Posted by: Pierce at October 12, 2005 09:40 AM
Look, I'm French and as far as I can tell, we are clean and we don't stink at all! Oh, and women do shave!!
Posted by: Moi at June 22, 2006 11:44 PM
No...you stink. Smell again.
Posted by: Franz Spitzer at June 23, 2006 08:08 AM
I am really amazed people have enough time to waste to listen to such stupidities... What is up with you assholes?
Posted by: at August 10, 2007 07:01 PM
It's just too much fun to see how you Frenchies respond to being told you stink. Which you do. Only your arrogance keeps you from smelling yourself!
Posted by: Stockyardman at November 8, 2007 02:54 PM