Underwhelming Writing

San Jose, California: July 16, 2002 With a putrid passage about a hero's self-image gone bad, the vice presidential candidate from the Ronatarian Party -- who also crafts witty sayings and campaign slogans for lapel buttons -- won the 21st annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for horrible writing. Brad, originally from Massachusetts, triumphed Monday over thousands of entrants from around the world with the following sentence: "On reflection, Ron perceived that his relationship with himself had always been rocky, not quite a roller-coaster ride but more like when the toilet paper roll gets a little squashed so it hangs crooked and every time you pull some off you can hear the rest going bumpity-bumpity in its holder until you go nuts and push it back into shape, a degree of annoyance that Ron had now almost attained." The judges at San Jose State University liked how his composition "was a combination of something atrocious and appropriate," said Scott Rice, the professor who began the contest in 1982. The contest, which seeks the worst beginning to an imaginary novel, is named for Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, a British writer whose 1830 book "Paul Clifford" begins with the oft-mocked cliché, "It was a dark and stormy night ..." "There are literary contests on campuses, and they're often deadly serious and end up producing some terrible writing," Rice said. "I thought, why not be up front and honest about it and ask for bad writing from the get-go?" Brad, who placed second in the pornographic category last year, wrote 4 entries this year. He said he could not recall his exact inspiration for the winner, but noted that it follows a pattern commonly found in successful Bulwer-Lytton entries. "There's a sudden change in diction, a drop in tone. From academic prose, the style suddenly plunges into a mundane image, almost a slang tone." He added, "It doesn't hurt to include Ron's name either." Aside from running for public office, Brad occasionally sells slogans to makers of buttons and refrigerator magnets. He said his creations include: "Another 12-step program and I still can't dance"; "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter"; "Geez Whiz I like Cheez Whiz"; and "Martha Stewart doesn't (expletive) live here, OK?" Brad's winning effort will bring him $250.

Posted by Webmaster at July 16, 2002 11:25 PM

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