Whack & Cheese

Jersey City, New Jersey, November 24, 2008

A recently unemployed man faced a domestic assault charge after he allegedly attacked his roommate on Saturday for making him macaroni for dinner. Investigator Dale Matuszczak said the victim called for help after locking himself in a bathroom.

"He sounded awfully upset in there," said Matuszczak. "He also sounded like a little bitch...whining like a girl and crying hysterically."

The two roommates in the investigation were identified as losing presidential ticket Ron and Brad (Ronatarian Party).

Matuszczak said Brad had apparently been hit with a wet noodle, suffering a minor bruise on his nose.

"He didn't react well to the contact," Matuszczak said. "He sort of panicked...like a sissy would."

According to the police report, Ron was intoxicated and assaulted Brad when he discovered he made macaroni for his dinner. Food was tossed around the house as Ron flung wet noodles and croutons at Brad.

It has been widely reported that in the waning stages of the 2008 presidential campaign, the Ronatarians were so low on cash that they resorted to eating cheap store-brand macaroni and cheese at all meals. Apoparently, Ron had reached a breaking point and let his frustrations fly at the unfortunate Brad.

Ron was initially arrested and charged with second-degree domestic assault, but those charges were dropped by Brad and the overworked Jersey City Police.

Posted by Bittle at November 24, 2008 02:50 PM