The Real Ron

Solving, once and for all, who the real Ron is...
Here at Ron for President Headquarters, we have never mentioned Ron's last name. Ron never wanted to dwell on unimportant issues like last names. "Accept me as Ron, it's who I am. F--- the last name, who needs it?"

Nevertheless, we have been swamped with emails from other Rons who seem to think that this page is all about them. That's a bit egotistical, isn't it? Never mind all the events that have transpired throughout this vast Ronatarian campaign - wouldn't these Rons realize that they weren't there for any of them? Hello!

This just might be another conspiracy to get Ron out of the election just as he's about to exponentially rise in the polls. A cheap tactic from Bush, Gore, or perhaps Lyndon LaRouche.

Here are some of the confused and offended individuals who think for some reason or another that they are running for president in the Ronatarian Party:

Ron Dundy

This Ron was asking us that we got his complexion wrong in the "Spinning Ron" graphic. He was very disappointed when we told him that he wasn't the Ron featured on our website.

Ron Hungberto

This full bodied Ron was opposed to the platform issues he thought we were writing for him without his consent. He was pushing for gay rights in the superconductor industry as well as extending Halloween to three days instead of one.

Ron Walsh

The angriest of all the false Rons. This Ron told us that we were disturbing and offending him by putting words in his mouth for the whole world to see tainting his good name. He demanded that we shut down the site immediately. Not bloody likely.

Ron Baggins

This guy was really PO'd about the mustache he claimed he never wore. "I hate mustaches, and I have never met anybody named 'Brad' in my life!" He told us we were ruining his life.

Ron Jefferis

This Ron complained that his campaign didn't focus enough on "bingers" and "legalizing it". We told him to go try Nader's party.

Ron Rambo

This Ron was the politest of all the false Rons. He reacted kindly when we informed him that he was not "the Ron". He served 3 tours in Nam and catches/collects butterflies in his spare time.

Posted by Ron at November 2, 2000 03:40 AM

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