Bennett's Tavern

Carstache

Ron is debating putting a lovely Carstache on his famed Camaro. Glorious! This is a product every supporter of Ron should get behind. - Bittle...

Fathers Day 2017

Jersey City, New Jersey, June 18, 2017: While clipping coupons, I came across this Ron-inspired advertisement for Fathers Day specials. It's good to see strong American brands like Bounty and Charmin showing Ron love, but I don't see any endorsement money coming in. There needs to be compensation for that mustache! We all know Ron as a father figure and people like to call him "Daddy," but Daddy needs a new pair of...everything! We're living like animals here at Ron4President Headquarters. Money is tight. Pay up, Procter & Gamble! - Bittle...

Humunga Stache

December 2, 2009: While Ron's great influence on humanity is well documented and wholly praised, a worldly philosopher might inquire: "What is Ron's influence in the animal kingdom?" Great question. It has long been circulated that "a dog is a man's best friend." As Ron is revered by men everywhere and many men are, in turn, loved by a dog, by the transitive property of friendship: Several dogs worship Ron. But how can we prove that these dogs truly love Ron? Canines cannot verbalize their love of Ron nor can those dogs geographically separated from Ron show their affections...

Mister Ron Candies

January 4, 2010: Now the confectionary world has latched on to Ron's burgeoning popularity by making Mister Ron candies. I was privileged to sample a Christmas candy over the holidays and found it irresistibly delicious! If only the rest of America would put a piece of Ron in its mouth, we'd continue to promulgate our message across this great land. The Ronatarian Party movement would swell with growth and pride. Please do your part and promote this product in your hometown and beyond. - Bittle...

Mr. Ron's Cole Slaw

Mustache Socks

December 21, 2013: On this last shopping weekend before Christmas, we here at Ron4President Headquarters want to ask you -- the Ron supporter -- a question: Do you need more leg hair? The answer is, obviously, yes! How best to do it? Well, buy a pair of mustache socks for you and your loved ones. These beauties will keep your tootsies warm and your support of Ron visible. Buy them as gifts. Buy them for yourself. Wear them. Make sock puppets out of them. Buy more of them. (Full disclosure: Ron owns stock in the sock and hosiery distribution...

Pack a Lunch Fit for Ron

June 5, 2012: Brad often asks Ron if his mustache is indeed a "flavor savor" after a meal. Typically, Ron dismisses such asinine remarks and goes about his day. But food trapped in a mustache has inspired a product that Ron has put his stamp of approval on: Lunch Disguise Sandwich Bags. These uniquely designed sandwich bags honor the mustache's historical and obvious pairing with food. Ron loves them. He endorses them. He packs his PB&J in them. He expects you to do the same. Buy them. Use them. Buy more of them. (Ron has a stock in the...

Ron Custom Cars

December 14, 2016: A friend in Arizona told me of a custom car specialist who creates cartoonish dream vehicles for show and sale. I asked what his name was. My friend said, "Ron... And he has this incredible mustache." Well, I almost dropped the twin babies I was holding. Was my so-called friend telling me Ron -- my Ron...the nation's Ron -- had moved out of New Jersey to [gasp] Arizona?! This was improbable, but not impossible. No confirmed Ron sightings have been reported since early November. Could Ron's mustache and penchant for restoring old cars, like his famed...

Ron's Bait

Ron's Body Shop

Ogden, Utah...

Ron-A-Roll

Ronzoni

Stachifier

June 20, 2014: You met a person. Let's say it was a woman. You were drunk. She looked good to go. You hooked up. She took you to her place. Things got kinky. You didn't bother to wear a condom. You woke up and slipped away before dawn. You got home. You showered. You patted yourself on the back and forgot about it after telling the story to your buddies. Nine months later there's a phone call. "A blood test? For what!?! Who's calling? How'd you get my number? Oh, the police..." It happened. You're a father. You have...

adidas Limited Edition Barricade 2016 Mustachio Shoe

November 21, 2016: According to Ron, it's time for you -- the man -- to buy the manliest tennis shoe ever created by adidas! Celebrate Ron and Movember with the limited edition Mustachio! This Limited Edition Barricade 2016 celebrates that special time of the year when we let our flavor savers sprout to help raise awareness for men's health plus support Ronatarian candidate Ron in his political endeavors. A full grain leather upper highlights the "barber shop"-inspired look, complete with a mustache embroidered right into the front of the tongue. Celebrate those beautiful lip rugs and stay classy in...